Most people play video games for the pushing-buttons aspect. We don’t blame them — if we weren’t game writers, we’d probably be elevator men. Or world-destruction button monitors. Though, we’ll admit, we’d probably fail that job pretty quickly. Admit it — that button is just dying to be pushed!
Now those who aren’t turned on by the soothing sensation of a depressed piece of plastic (seriously — these people need to be fixed!) will probably cite the game’s story as their reason for playing. ZzzzzZZZzzzz! Boring. We listen to and watch people talk every day and it’s not nearly as fun as some hardcore push-push action.
But even us button-pressers can admit gaming cut scenes can be pretty darn entertaining, especially when they’re filled with terrible dialogue and Resident Evil-quality voice-over. So we thought it’d be funny to take classic scenes from both video games and gaming movies and turn them into mad libs. And then have unassuming folks make and recite their newly-made masterpieces back to us. Thus Game Libs is born.
In our first edition of Game Libs, we took Jean-Claude Van Damme’s rousing speech from the 1994 classic Street Fighter and created a mad lib for it. In case you’re unaware, here’s the scene for you to enjoy (hopefully while donning an American flag draped around your chest Rocky 4-style):
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMV2hnlcmgU&w=425&h=344]
Admit it, you cried, ya big baby. It’s cool — the first time we watched that, we chanted U-S-A for twenty minutes straight. Got us kicked out the theater, but it was worth it. At least we love our country, asshole movie ushers!
We also love this speech, so we asked three WWE wrestlers to give their own take on it. Here’s the original monologue word-for-word:
Troopers — I have just received new orders. Our superiors say, the war is canceled. We can all go home. Bison is getting paid off for his crimes. And our friends will have died here. Will have died..for nothing. But, we can all go home. Meanwhile, ideals like peace, freedom, and justice — they get packed up. But, we can all go home. Well, I’m not going home. I’m gonna get on my boat, and I’m going up river, and I’m going to kick that son of a bitch’s Bison’s ass so hard, that the next Bison wannabe is going to feel it. Now who wants to go home? And who wants to go with me?
And here’s the template the wrestlers received:
[Noun (Plural)] — I have just [Verb ending in “ed”] new orders. Our superiors say, the war is [Verb ending in “ed”]. We can all go [Place] Bison is getting [Verb] for his crimes. And our [Noun (Plural)] will have [Verb ending in “ed”] here. Will have [Verb ending in “ed”] ..for nothing. But, we can all go [Place] Meanwhile, ideals like [Noun], [Noun], and [Noun] — they get [Verb ending in “ed”] up. But, we can all go [Place]. Well, I’m not going [Place]. I’m gonna get on my [Vehicle], and I’m going up [Type of Terrain], and I’m going to [Verb, action] that son of a bitch’s Bison’s ass so [Adjective], that the next Bison [Adjective] is going to [Verb] it. Now who wants to go [Place]? And who wants to go with [Person]?
First up: Legacy member (and son of The Million Dollar Man) Ted DiBaise.
Give us a priceless performance, Ted: {audio}http://bitmob.com/wwe/ted_wwe.mp3{/audio}
[Editor’s note: We apologize for the poor audio quality and the constant giggling — hey, we’re cheap and it was funny!]
Next up: Cryme Tyme member JTG.
This better be money: {audio}http://bitmob.com/wwe/JTG_WweAudio.mp3{/audio}
And finally: Cryme Tyme member Shad.
Move us, Shad: {audio}http://bitmob.com/wwe/shad_ww3.mp3{/audio}
