If Donkey Kong could talk, what would he say (in 140 characters or less)? Apparently, kind of dirty things.
We’ve seen what some gun-toting game characters have tweeted, but with Kirby’s Epic Yarn coming out October 17 and Donkey Kong Country Returns debuting in November, this seems like a good time to introduce a few Twitter accounts of platforming heroes.
Twitter bot accounts, which respond automatically to set phrases, are mostly created by Japanese fans. This series covers various games-related Twitter bots — what they say, who made them, and how you can interact with them.
So who’s top banana among the platformers? Let’s see what Kirby, Sonic, and Donkey Kong are up to….
Prism354: @kirby_bot: Good mooorning. I'm sleeepy.
Kirby_bot: @Prism354: Good mor– zzzzzz…
Kirby (@kirby_bot)
Followers*: 1,968
Following*: 1,857
Tweets*: 49,796
Location: Dream Land
Account manager @asoyuki, self-proclaimed ordinary Joe. Appears to be interested in possibly working as a programmer from his blog.
Explanation: Automated bot for Star Kirby. Japanese only.
Kirby, whose profile packs more pink than a Victoria's Secret outlet, spends most of his day making adorable noises in Japanese onomatopoeia: puwaa, mogumogu, piyo, poyo, hoyo, pepo, wanya wanya, etc.
Kirby occasionaly takes a break from jibberish and says the standard “good morning/night,” “welcome back,” and “what’s up” messages, and will occasionally “copy” abilities based on your Tweets. For example, if you Tweet “sing” in Japanese, then Kirby will tweet back, “Kirby copied the Microphone ability!”
He tweets with Dark Meta Bot and King Dedede Bot, who are both managed by different people.
I hate inflight movies and airplane food. That's why I prefer my way — running!
Sonic (@sonic_bot)
Followers: 590
Following: 634
Tweets: 20,954
Location: SEGA
Account manager: The manager is not identified, but they left a handy instruction manual for Sonic bot and the three other bots they made, including Shadow and Silver the Hedgehog.
Sonic bot reminds me of the reason I wish Sonic would’ve remained a silent protagonist in all of his games — he’s overly cocky, often sounds like a jerk, and has poorly written dialogue. Sonic bot has the usual repertoire of automated “hello” and “goodbye” phrases but peppers much more random English into his tweets.
The following phrases (and this spoiler cutscene from Sonic the Hedgehog on Xbox 360) make me wish Sonic remained mute:
- Don't keep me waiting!
- Jeez, I can’t believe this….
- Your smile is thanks enough
- I do things my way and that’s it.
- Nice Smile!
His “good night” response, however, is funny: "If you don’t sleep soon, you’ll become a werehog! Awooooooo! Good night!"
Full-throttle banana power!!!
Donkey Kong (@DK_banana)
Followers: 341
Following: 516
Tweets: 284
Location: Kongo, Bongo Island
Account manager: n/a
Explanation: It’s mating season, eh?
This monkey doesn’t mess around — Donkey Kong tweets King-Kong-length tweets. Although his name came up when I Googled for "Donkey Kong Twitter" in Japanese, DK’s antics don’t match his automated brethren. His tweets and responses are unique, raucous, and ridiculous.
Whoever is behind this account shamelessly takes on a bro-like persona of Donkey Kong, and takes it to a hilariously primal level. He doesn’t just comment on in-game events but also talks about real-life happenings, like drinking, dating, and other video games.
His main catchphrase is “Banana power!” which seems to be referring to a certain male body part (please, don’t make me spell this out in the comments section). His first few tweets are off-color jokes about this.
He occasionally talks about other characters from the Donkey Kong series, but he mostly tweets about — and I can’t believe I’m writing this — tips, which he calls “rules of the jungle,” for guys for getting with a lady friend and losing their virginity:
“People say, 'DK's posts are so long that I wont read them,' but if you keep saying that you'll just stay a virgin! So you haven't noticed? In my posts there are hidden hints for how to graduate from virginity. Virgins should read my tweets. This is to spread ‘The Rule of The Jungle.’”
Unfortunately, DK is taking a break from Twitter. His last tweet on September 4 mentioned something about going over to Dixie’s house (it’s rude to tweet excessively in a lady’s presence, you know?).
Nintendo certainly would not approve of this account.
All Followers, Following, Tweets, etc. numbers and data were from the time of publishing this article.