Ah, Memorial Day weekend, the kickoff to those sweet summer hours and a time when tentpole action films rule. True to form, I saw Terminator: Salvation on Saturday…but that doesn’t mean I should play the game, at least according to the Metacritic breakdown.
And that got me thinking. Action games seem like such a natural match for these testosterone-filled flicks, yet celebrated conversions are the exception. In the end, I’d rather play Gears of War 2 than Terminator: Salvation, God of War 2 instead of Wolverine. So why don’t these publishers try something different and leave the action to the pros? Instead, to tap in on some of that sweet Hollywood scrilla, they need to go in a new direction with a totally different genre: romantic comedies.
Wait, what? you’re thinking. Hey, calm down and consider this. The action movies don’t work because the shortened development time means things like advanced shooting systems or complex cover mechanics just can’t compete with those from the above-mentioned, years-in-gestation epics. Rom-com games, though, could deliver a quick-hit story filled with substance and consequences.
For example, let’s give a game based on the beloved Notting Hill to BioWare. How could their patented branching dialogue tree not produce wonders:
“I’m also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to…”
Good response: “…love her.”
Neutral response: “…give this a shot.”
Evil response: “…go to hell.”
Sure, you could re-create the movie’s line, but now we can finally figure out what would have happened had Ms. Roberts really spoken her mind. Try getting that on the director’s cut.
Ah, so now you’re intrigued — as you should be since possibilities abound! Think about the multifocused ensemble Love, Actually in a Maniac Mansion-style SCUMM adventure, hopping among all the love-struck as they figure out just who, and what, loves who.
The Devil Wears Prada? Pshh, more like The Diablo Wears Sparking Mail. And can you honestly say you wouldn’t be down for a few rounds of Music & Lyrics Rock Band?
If this takes off, Sigourney Weaver might not scoff at the idea of lending her voice to a videogame — perhaps even spearheading a Heartbreakers-themed brick-breaking arcade game.
This also solves the age-old problem of getting the ladies to pick up the pad — in fact, a lot of these will be her choice, giving you a free pass when BioShock 2 hits. “But sweetie,” you say. “We spent hours playing Failure to Launch until you achieved McConaughey blastoff. Would you kindly let me take the weekend to play through this one?”
How could she resist that made-in-Hollywood ending?
(Special thanks to Bitmob friend and all-around cinema fiend Bryan Intihar for his expert input on some of the greatest rom-coms of our time.)