Welcome to a very special Hit or Miss. Rather than the usual format of recapping the biggest stories of the week, I’m going back a little further in this edition, which is (as so much of this week has been) dedicated entirely to the Dreamcast.
As a proud Dreamcast owner since launch day 10 years ago, I well remember all the highs and lows of this ill-fated system’s short, tumultuous, glorious lifespan. Of course, Bitmob wasn’t around at the time (I’m pretty sure the Internet was nothing but IRC chatrooms and ASCII art-style pornographic images back then), and I was but a dorky high school sophomore. But all of these retrospectives this week got me wondering: What if I was writing this column during the Age of Dreamcast? Well, let’s find out… (insert Wayne’s World “doo-de-la-loop” screen-wipe gesture here).
(9/9/99) Dreamcast Launches in U.S. to Rave Reviews
After all the hype, all the millions spent on marketing, and the sponsored MTV Video Music Awards show in which Sega of America president Peter Moore bit the head off of a bat wearing a tiny PlayStation shirt (as if you watch the VMAs anyway), the Sega Dreamcast finally launched this week in the United States.
Moore was quick to officially declare it the biggest 24 hours in entertainment history. Then, despite the Pope shaking his head in his hands in disapproval, Moore also declared it the holiest 24 hours, saying (and I quote), “like upon Jesus reborn, but as an entertainer.”
Sacrilege aside, I know I bought my Dreamcast on launch day, but I’m starting to regret my choice in launch games. Soul Calibur is indeed amazing, but… well, the less said about the horrendous Blue Stinger, the better (that’s the last time I’m letting those damn Electronics Boutique clerks talk me into anything!).
Still, as amazing as the Dreamcast and many of these launch games are, none have replaced what still stands as my current Game of the Year: WinBack: Covert Operation and its ground-breaking cover-fire system.
You mark my words — if in ten years every game hasn’t completely ignored this play mechanic, then remembered it, then overdone it, and then become about exercising, I’ll eat my probably delicious copy of Blue Stinger.
(9/10/00) SegaNet Launches, Brings Online Gaming to Consoles
There’s already a lot about this young 21st Century that’s disappointed me, like no flying cars, no time machines, and no Y2K calamity. But now I’ve done something that finally felt like the future: played a fun, easily-accessible, dependably functioning console game over the Internet (and those are all qualifiers I use deliberately, because fuck you XBAND, you don’t count).
It is no exaggeration to say SegaNet will change console gaming forever. No artificial intelligence could ever replace the dynamic madness that guides human behavior, which is evidenced in the 27 times an opponent has quit a game of NFL 2K1 with me this week when trailing in the fourth quarter. Clearly, that is the sort of uniquely human scumbag behavior a machine would never dare devolve to.
I know a lot of naysayers are already predicting the 56K-geared service won’t last, as it’ll be archaic by the time some new-fangled “broadband” Internet becomes more widely available. But you know what? Screw those people. These are the same asses who told me I’d be piloting a flying car that can travel through time by now, so excuse me if I can’t use my non-existent flying car time machine to go back 20 seconds ago and stop myself from typing this next sentence:
You mark my words — if in 10 years we’re not all still playing online console games on a 56K network, I’ll eat my XBAND.
(11/6/00) Yu Suzuki’s Shenmue Debuts, Quickly Divides
Here it is at last: the Game of games, the Experience to shame all other interactive experiences — Yu Suzuki’s massively anticipated Shenmue (or, to pronounce it as the clerk who sold it to me did, “Shen… Shenmooey? What?”).
So now that we can all finally play it, what’s the average gamer’s final opinion? Pfft, damned if I know. What do you think this is, some sort of social network where enormous amounts of gamers can easily and quickly communicate? (Hmm… note to self, invent — eh, who am I kidding, no one would wanna use that crap).
But even without such mass communication guiding me, I’m pretty sure you’re of one of two opinions on Shenmue: either you think it’s the greatest game ever made, or the most boring, self-indulgent tripe you’ve had the misfortune to play through. Me? I’m sorry to say I’m leaning toward the latter. You can race forklifts, open tons of empty dresser drawers, and hit those stupid frickin’ timed-button presses all you want, weirdoes, but when I think of what’s supposed to be the future of video games, Dragon’s Lair: Tokyo Takedown isn’t what comes to mind.
You mark my words — if in ten years games are still trying to pass off stupid frickin’ timed-button presses as gameplay, I’ll eat an entire Dragon’s Lair arcade cabinet.
(1/31/01) Sega Pulls Plug on Dreamcast, Goes Third-Party
My, how quickly good times turn bad at the bitter hands of fate. It feels like… well, only moments ago, oddly, when we were all basking in the Dreamcast’s glorious launch. But once again we see that only the good die young: Sega this week officially ceased production of the Dreamcast to shift into third-party development, confirming months of speculation and rumors that swirled almost as fiercely as the system’s own logo.
With the sad end official, just what ultimately will be the system’s legacy? Will it be remembered as a console of innovations? For all its bravely creative games? Or, looking back, will the emotions of today give way to rational analysis, and we’ll be able to see the Dreamcast for what it may have been all along — a system that innovated but didn’t perfect, and that teamed with bravely creative games… and a few high profile misfires too.
But while Sega’s ambitions may have sometimes outstretched their reach, here’s the important part: they reached. So you mark my words, folks: provided some sort of calamitous event doesn’t occur in the next 10 years (possibly involving mutated flu strains, global climate change, economic meltdown, and oh, let’s say genetically engineered Omega Mosquitoes), then when Sega’s former console rivals look back to admire the Dreamcast, it’s obvious what they’ll see: a system that took a lot risks first so they wouldn’t have to.
Yes, maybe Sega’s years of bad decisions and enormous debts meant the Dreamcast was doomed to failure from the start. But it must be said that standing in the face of futility, and knowing it, they still put in a hell of an effort. Rest in peace, little buddy.