Editor's note: Brian's choices in this second edition of the Ultimate JRPG Buyers' Guide for RPG Haters show that Japanse role-playing games are more than just grindy dungeon crawls. Never judge a genre by its stereotype. -Jason
One day isn't a long time, so unless you're one of my robot employees, you probably haven't had the chance to complete any of the JRPGs I suggested in the first portion of my Ultimate JRPG Buyers' Guide For RPG Haters. Even if you were able to devote a few hours of your day to Super Mario RPG, Mother 3, or Terranigma, perhaps you weren't as enthralled by those titles as I was.
Fortunately for those of you I've failed, I'm here with another round of unique JRPGs that may temporarily distract you from the antics of Marcus Fenix and Dom.
Saving the World Can Be Fun With Friends!
How many times have you quit an RPG because your buddies wanted you to play a splitscreen match of Halo? I know I've had to submit to their absurd demands at times despite being an RPG fan, so I'm sure you've had some run-ins with the bros and bras as well. But, wait, I've got good news. You don't have to give up the love of your life thanks to an excellent action-RPG that allows you to game with pals — throughout the adventure.
[video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8sGSKE5j14&feature=related 425×25]The Super NES classic Secret of Mana allows you to partner up with two of your best friends to hack up beasties, go on shopping sprees, and explore the lush world of Mana. It doesn't hurt that a charming story and a wonderful, albeit indescribable, soundtrack accompanies this co-op quest.
How to play it: You may purchase it for $8 on the Wii's Virtual Console.
Want more multiplayer action? Here are some so-so action-RPGs: Seiken Densetsu 3, Children of Mana, Legend of Mana, and any of the Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles games.
When Time is of the Essence
[video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIRQ1j169fU 425×25]
Most of the RPGs I've covered so far are quite long, so it's about time I show some love to those of you who prefer quickies. If you want an RPG you can play in 2-minute bursts, you need to dust off your PSP and check out Half-Minute Hero.
This RPG is notable for throwing out tedious genre conventions and improvising with numerous minigames. Instead of engaging in countless random battles, you complete 30-second RPGs, scrolling-shooters, real-time strategy games, and escort missions. As if this variety weren't enough, you can also enjoy the witty dialogue that mocks JRPG clichés. Add in a rockin' soundtrack with over a dozen talented composers and you've got one heck of a deal.
How to play it: Plop down $30 on one of those so-small-they're-almost-edible PSP UMDs.
When one quickie isn't enough: Try the Kirby RPGin Kirby Super Star.
Giant Robots, Reincarnation, and…God?
[video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CwNsBhI8yk&feature=related 425×25]
Have you left JRPGs behind because of their emphasis on saving the world? Then why not try Xenogears — an amalgamation of religious and philosophical concepts. Xenogears may be confusing at times, but it's special because it deals with several touchy subjects, such as reincarnation, the existence of a god, gender relations, imperialism, psychological issues, and slavery.
Xenogears also has interesting combat that relies on button combinations instead of ordinary menus. Besides standard fisticuffs, players can also decimate their opponents by stomping around in giant robots known as Gears.
I'd be lying if I didn't admit that Xenogears has some balancing issues and an overabundance of random battles, but it's worth a look for those who desire a deep video game story.
How to play it: You'll either have to steal it from a friend or pay $50 on Amazon.
Are Xenogears' 2D sprites on muddy 3D backgrounds getting to you? Then you might want to try these RPGs that feature unconventional narratives: Chrono Cross and Lost Odyssey.
If you're still not interested in trying a JRPG, I have a hill as large as my game backlog to climb. But don't worry: Even if you hate cooperation, gaming in short bursts, and controversial religious topics, one of the next three recommendations in the next edition of the Ultimate JRPG Buyers' Guide for RPG Haters could be your Excalibur.