It's the middle of the month, and you know what that means — nothing at all!
That's right, today is just another indistinct, unimportant day in your life. You'll brush your teeth, watch some television, then hit the sack. With any luck, however, you'll find time for the Bitmob Reviews Spotlight. And with even more luck, you'll enjoy reading it!
So cheer up, because it's time to spotlight reviews and chew bubble gum…and we're all out of gum.
Spencer Grande is the first to step toward the podium, and he makes a pretty convincing case for Duke Nukem 3D — a game which is just as offensive today as it was in 1996.
Dante's Inferno is potentially as offensive as Duke's 3D adventure, but that doesn't stop Moeez Siddiqui from the world's longest review of the game. It's seriously, like, 2000 words or something.
Andrew Galbraith and Suriel Vasquez call a moratorium on controversy with their reviews of Toy Soldiers and Ace Attorney Investigations — two games which are as non-threatening and appreciative of their respective subjects as possible (sort of).
But wait! Controversy returns with yet another review of Dante's Inferno, this time by Ryan Finley. But, before someone complains in the comments section, Steven Schmidt defuses the situation with a curt, to-the-point review of Resident Evil 5's first downloadable content pack.
Daniel Feit winds down this undistinguished day with his impressions of a rather distinguished action game — God of War.
The Old School Charms of Duke Nukem 3D
By Spencer Grande
After 3D Realms permanently closed their doors last year, the desperate hope that Duke Nukem Forever would one day be released was quelled. Anxious and cotton-mouthed, avid fans of the series were given few alternatives beyond revisiting past entries in the franchise. Luckily, one such avid fan calls Bitmob home — Spencer Grande. After returning to the Duke's misogynistic, tongue-in-cheek world, does this reviewer sense a tangible pain or is he filled with glee and nostalgia?
Dante, Your Beatrice is in Another Circle of Hell!
By Moeez Siddiqui
Today is a red letter day! This author has penned, perhaps, the longest review on our website — maybe on any website! I actually had to read it in three sittings. Moeez, however, was able to maintain my attention throughout his literary odyssey. The rest of you better clear the next few days of your schedule, because you'll need a strategy guide and a thermos of coffee to get through this review of Dante's Inferno. Good luck!
Toy Soldiers: A Surprise Attack of Fun
By Andrew Galbraith
The First World War is rarely the subject of interactive dramatization. It might be the undeniable brutality, pointy helmets, or big moustaches. Regardless, few developers have sought to capitalize on this, relatively unexplored, piece of history. That is, until now. Available for download on Xbox Live, Toy Soldiers places you squarely into the molded, plastic boots of tiny action figures. Will this downloadable title open up the door for other franchises to sew the Great War's fertile ground? Maybe not, but it still seems pretty neat.
Ace Attorney Investigations: Miles Edgeworth
By Suriel Vasquez
Phoenix Wright makes room for his slightly more attractive counterpart in the newest installment of Capcom's courtroom simulator. Suriel makes note of the more "streamlined" gameplay, which cuts down on cumbersome menus and plays up the melodramatic pointing and pontificating. But have the developer's attempts to attract new customers come at the cost of the franchise's original charm?
Dante's Inferno Review
By Ryan Finley
Whether it's a God of War clone or not, one thing is certain: Dante's Inferno has grabbed the Bitmob community by the lapels and refuses to let go. Ryan's review of this hack-and-slasher should lay to rest any remaining questions which Moeez didn't address.
Resident Evil 5: Lost in Nightmares Review
By Steven Schmidt
Lost in Nightmares, the first downloadable expansion to Resident Evil 5, represents a return to form within the Resident Evil tradition. Not all is well, however — the downloadable pack is jarringly short, fails to rectify the clumsy interface, and retains the same unintelligible AI programming. But because the DLC revisits the franchise's narrative heritage and because it's so cheap, Steven stays optimistic. Apparently, you should too.
First Blood: God of War
By Daniel Feit
Unconvinced by the commercial success and critical acclaim of God of War, Daniel decided to try it out for himself and see what all the fuss was about. Has Kratos' charm won him over or did this critic concentrate on the darker sides of our favorite Spartan?