Hello! I‘m Lance Darnell, and I am here to review Fat Princess. I am not a skilled reviewer so I thought I would bring in a guest. Joining me today is:
Guten tag!!! I am Otto!!! I am here to tell you my opinion! And you must listen!
Cheers Otto! We have both spent the last few weeks playing the charming video game Fat Princess…..
Charming! Charming!? Fat Princess is nothing but political trash spewed out by the socialist swine! Where is the leader? There is no leader! There is anarchy! Fat Princess is just another example of how democracy and free speech cannot function properly and anarchy and chaos ensue!!!!
Otto! Relax! Perhaps we should talk about the game before we discuss the political and social undertones?
(pause) Proceed.
Fat Princess is a 32-Player Multiplayer video game. The Red side fights the Blue, and the Blue fights the Red. The main objective is to rescue your captured Princess back from the other team without the other team rescuing their captured Princess in the meantime. Whatever team holds both Princesses for a small amount of time wins the game. There are five classes. A Warrior, a Ranger, a Mage, a Priest and a Worker. Otto, would you like to discuss the five classes?
Ja. The Warrior is a useless brute with no strategy– much like most Aristocrats!!! The Mage has fire and ice attacks, but like I have said before – great liars are also great Magicians. If you see a Mage – rückzug!!! A Priest is essential for winning. They can heal the fallen, but too many are useless!!! Rangers fire arrows and should be everywhere! The Worker is the only class that can mine ore and chop wood, so have lots of them at the beginning of them match! Feige Sozialisten!!!
Okay! I don't know German. The ore and wood that the Worker harvests – but anyone can collect – is used to upgrade each of the classes, build catapults and ladders, and build and repair the castle doors. I think that is the basics of the game, and now perhaps we can discuss some more advanced strategy?
Ja!!!!! Everyone must be divided into small groups of four or five. Each group must have a Priest, Mage and Ranger. One of these groups must always be protecting the castle doors, walls, and ensuring the Prisoner is not taken!!! The other group should have a worker or two and immediately gather resources! Being the first to harvest all the ore ensures a tactical advantage!!!! Once you have upgraded enough to win, the second group transfers to offense and attacks!!!! Zerstören alle!!!!!!
You are a scary Dude. Catapulting into the enemy castle is one of the best ways to rescue your Princess. Don’t bring a bomb with you in the catapult – bring the chicken potion. The bomb will kill everyone, but they will spawn again before you can get away. The chicken potion turns everyone into poultry and can buy you an extra 10 seconds to get away with the Princess. Do you have anything else to add, Otto?
Nein!!! I did not like this game – it is a mess! There is no leader or cohesion to do anything productive!!!! The whole game is won or lost by luck!!!
Did you have a headset on?
Nein!!!! I used the little messages you can display by pressing a direction on the D-pad!!! And I yelled loudly – they heard me!!!!
I did use a headset and when I found a group of people who were also wearing them then I had a great time. When I was playing alone or with little cooperation from others, I found the game too simplistic and frustrating.
Sehen!? With no central control there is anarchy!!!
Okay Otto, what do you think the game needs?
Three things!!!!
Eins!!! The high scorer from each team should be the Leader!!! The Leader should have the ability to direct those useless bots in some way or another. And the Leader must be obeyed!!!!
Zwei!!! More classes!!!! The studio that made the game – Titan – has hinted at a Ninja and Pirate class, but what the game needs is a class that can make movable offense and defense machines. An Inventor class!!!! This will give the game more strategy and less confusion!!!
Drei!!!! Sony must hosts their own servers!!! I have been booted three times by a Host when I was beating them and had a high score! Die Hunde!!!
I never thought I would say this, but I agree with you. Your helmet does resemble a hornball. Hopefully Titan Studios will implement some of these changes to ensure that people will continue to play this game.
I think I can say for both us though – it’s a good game to play with friends, but it’s a little flat when playing alone.
I still say its socialist propaganda!!!
Yeah, well, peace and love Brother!