Normally, we aren’t scared to ask hard-hitting questions. That’s what us journalists are supposed to do, right? Why, who wants to pussyfoot around an interview subject when you can simply grab ’em by the balls and make ’em squeal? Well, if said balls in question belong to MMA fighter and CrimeCraft non-playable character Jens Pulver, maybe a different strategy should be taken. Possibly one that involves cowering in the corner. And hoping our five random questions don’t piss him off. Gulp — let’s find out who takes the real hits in this one…
1. Name the correct UFC title you were in: A) UFC: Undisputed, B) UFC: Beatdown, C) UFC: Throwdown, D) UFC: Tapout 3
Jens Pulver: I don’t think I was ever in Beatdown. It’s gotta be Throwdown.
Bitmob: That’s correct.
Points: 1; Hits: 0
2. We hear you’ve played World of WarCraft before, so there’s this funny video on the Internet of…
JP: Leeroy Jenkins
Bitmob: Holy crap! You already got it.
JP: Dude was so good, he was on that show with Alex Trebek.
Points: 2; Hits: 0
3. You’re a fighter, so you should know fighting games. Which of these Street Fighter games is not real.
A) Super Street Fighter 4, B) Super Street Fighter 2, C) Super Street Fighter 2 Turbo HD Remix, D) Super Street Fighter Alpha 2
JP: I know that Alpha is real. Turbo HD Remix? I don’t know — that’d have to be a new one. But I have to go with that one.
Bitmob: Incorrect. The correct answer is Super Street Fighter Alpha 2
Points: 2; Hits: 1
4. True or False: You can still play Star Wars Galaxies.
JP: Can you still play it?
Bitmob: Yes. That’s what we’re asking.
JP: Well, why wouldn’t you be able to? Did they close it down?
Bitmob: Hmm — did they?
JP: I don’t think so. I think you can still play it. They don’t ever shut anything down. I can still play Medal of Honor for Christ’s sake! I know there’s still servers up — there’s diehards! So I’m just gonna stick with my diehards and say you can still play it.
Bitmob: That’s correct. You can still play it. Not sure why you’d want to, but you still can.
Points: 3; Hits: 1
5. If we kicked your ass in Call of Duty 4, would you kick our ass in real life?
JP: Now here’s the thing: This is why I love PC gaming. You see, you got your own server, you got your team speak, and you can bring people on. Whereas on the Xbox 360, it’s just random — people are jumping into a chatroom and boy oh boy. Boy oh boy. They like to take advantage — “Oh, you’re that fighter guy? Well, you’re a bitch in here.” Well, you’re lucky we’re not at a LAN, because you’d be wearing my keyboard right now. I’d put your face through a monitor, and my keyboard through the back side of your head. So I’ll take my beatings, but I’m not gonna let them sit there and rub it in.
Bitmob: Um, err, what about us?
JP: No, no — you guys would be safe.
Bitmob: Phew — that’s the correct answer!
JP: Nah, I wouldn’t beat anyone up if they were trying to help me. But if they’re gonna sit there and laugh and insult me, they’re gonna wear a keyboard. Maybe get choked with a mouse cord.
Bitmob: We’ll, uh, keep that in mind!
Points: 4; Hits: 1
Final Score: 4 Points
We’d tell you that we made these questions easy for you, but considering we don’t fancy wearing keyboards on our heads, we’ll just say this: You’re one smart, smart man. Handsome, too! And we suck at Call of Duty 4. Or at least when we play you….